The Economy of Mercy

"If we could push ajar the gates of life,
And stand within, and all God's working see,
We might interpret all this doubt and strife,
And for each mystery could find a key.

"But not today. Then be content, poor heart;
God's plans, like lilies pure and white, unfold.
We must not tear the close-shut leaves apart--
Time will reveal the calyxes of gold.

"And if, through patient toil, we reach the land
Where tired feet, with sandals loosed, may rest,
When we shall clearly know and understand,
I think that we shall say, 'God knew best."'

I spent time yesterday with my sister and her wonderful fiancee. She is getting married in January and the two of them are so well suited to each other. I am happy for them, but at the same time the familiar pangs of envy rose up in me. I wanted a joy like that. My sister is five years younger than I and no one else in my family is without someone significant in their life who is a good fit for them. It is easy to think woe is me, but actually God's timing is best.

Additionally, where did I get the idea that I need someone special in my life at all? Singleness is also a gift which I better enjoy as long as I have it. I love children, but a husband and children don't complete you as a person. If I am to have that joy, I will take pleasure in it. But that is not for this season in my life. So the dissatisfaction and loneliness I feel should drive me to Jesus, who is my best friend and closest companion. I mean he knows my desires and thoughts anyway and if I pour out my heart to him, he can handle my grief, pain, and questions.

Just as the Israelites, after forty years of desert wandering, because of a generation's unbelief, eventually reached the promised land, I will also reach the territory of my destiny and purpose. In the meantime there are many ways to serve and love and grow and change. Not knowing where you are going can be challenging, but also can be an exciting adventure. Imagining all the possibilities can increase my gratitude to God that I have so many gifts, opportunities, and friends and family to support me. As I make important decisions for my future, I only have to ask God for wisdom and he will provide it. Mystery is actually a beauteous thing in God's economy of grace! When the veil is lifted, I shall see clearly.