Monday, August 31, 2015

I actually wrote this post quite some time ago, before I started my current healthy eating plan. Since I lost too much weight I am now trying to regain muscle mass.

*Not so* recently after gazing upon my reflection in the mirror, I realized my less than toned physique, which could be compared unfavourably with that of a five month pregnant woman, was the result of three of the seven deadly sins gluttony, greed, and sloth. While I may be able to show some restraint at the dinner table by taking smaller portions, my gluttony reveals itself when it comes to sweets, especially chocolate which I will devour in copious amounts. My greedy side comes to light when I am in the store and have to buy a large bar or box of chocolate simply because it is on sale. Without a regular exercise regime and a Zumba drop-out, I display sloth when I turn back from a walk because it is simply too windy. My own mother puts me to shame with her Jillian Michaels routine several times a week while I average one or two walks a week. I contemplate taking up running, but never do so.

Turning my gaze inward, I saw that the other four deadly sins were also present. Pride, envy, lust, and anger were in evidence in my daily life. Pride caused me to consider myself better than some others, while envy made me desire what others had. Anger made me impatient with those who got in my way, and lust caused me to view others as objects. Of the seven, envy has the biggest foothold in my life and causes the most damage. It makes me ungrateful for the blessings in my life, and jealous of others and their lives with their beautiful little families and their successes.

Now I wonder how I can change my inward attitudes and outward habits to transform not only my outward appearance, but also my heart.

Distorted Perceptions

This has been a season in my life of constant distortions. It is rather like I stepped inside of a fun house with all the crazy mirrors. You just can't get a clear view of yourself or others, and it is not fun!

Sometimes you trust people who you shouldn't. At other times you get angry at people for a small thing that shouldn't even be an issue. You allow yourself to be guided by people who take advantage of your vulnerability, which they can sense like blood in the water for a shark.

People who love you get very hurt by all the extremes in your spiraling emotions and you struggle to contain yourself, but don't always even manage to do that.

For some people it may be an amusing spectacle. My life as a reality show would be entertaining, if rather sad and disquieting.

Since April I have been in recovery. I never dreamed it could take this long or cause this much pain and anguish. The good news is that I am, in fact, recovering. I am taking all the steps I know how to do and will continue to work hard this fall at the process.

I now make plans tentatively, as I never know the day to day variables. Emotional rollercoasters are not really fun, but feeling things deeply does make you more compassionate and responsive to others. In the end, you need to discover where the illness ends and where you actually begin. I have a feeling I will never ever be the same; I do not desire to be.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have been forced to strengthen myself spiritually, physically, and psychologically. I am in the process of healing, and the walls are coming down. For this I am grateful to Christ, my family, church families, Christians I have met in the journey, kind strangers, angels, and my dear friends. Life is too rich to give up the battle, and the war is already won!

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Sadness, Anger, and Self-Control: After My Jonah Day

Yesterday may have ended well, but I think it was my saddest, most gut-wrenching birthday ever. Life gets messy sometimes and the fall out from extreme emotions is huge.

Right now it is a lot of extreme emotions and only sometimes logic, coherence, order, decorum and self control. The big emotions are anger and sadness.

Forgiveness is a journey. Love is a destination that welcomes you in. Peace and joy are God’s forever promises. In the midst of trials, the sky may darken, but joy comes in the morning!

Jesus carried me last night, close to his chest, all the way up to the summit. Later we will return to the Valley,  but for now I am going to enjoy the breathtaking view!

Despite all my anger, I do have hope in Christ. I have the seal of the Holy Spirit, guaranteeing my inheritance. When this journey is over, I know my final destination. The new heavens and earth will be beyond anything I can ever imagine!

Thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our LORD Jesus Christ!

Monday, August 24, 2015

The 23rd Psalm for Busy People translated from a Japanese version by Koki Mayashina

The Lord is my pacesetter
I shall not rush
He makes me to stop and rest
For quiet intervals;
He provides me with images of stillness
Which restore my serenity;
He leads me in the ways of efficiency
Through calmness of mind
And his guidance is Peace.
Even though I have a great many things
To accomplish each day,
I will not fret
For His presence is here:
His timelessness
His all importance
Keeps me in balance;
He prepares refreshment and renewal
In the midst of my activities,
By anointing my mind
With His oils of tranquility
My cup of joyous energy overflows;
Surely harmony and effectiveness
Shall be the fruit of my hours
And I shall walk in the pace of my Lord
And dwell in His house forever.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Friendship When Worlds Collide: A Poem

At the intersection of two points
When worlds collide
When you find a friend
Who sticks closer than a brother
You will find your way home
Even if your GPS is confused

Wrote this poem during a time of utter chaos in my life. Thankfully I have many friends and family members to light my way. My best friends know who they are: Thanks!