Friday, October 14, 2016

Chasing the Wind

I recently was challenged to write a mission statement for my life at a class I am taking on Wednesday evenings. There were several questions meant to stimulate thought about what is important in your life. As I answered them I realized that I am living a life with limited vision, disconnected from my values and that ways I once used to renew myself physically, mentally, and spiritually have fallen into disuse. My life has narrowed and become purposeless.

It is not simply that I have become unproductive without meaningful employment and engagement. It is also that I have failed to prioritize my friendships and relationships and become self-absorbed and unloving.  In my spiritual life my connection with God is at a low ebb and beliefs I once held so firmly lack conviction. I barely pray, no longer do personal devotions, and can't remember the last time I truly worshipped. I find myself mouthing the words to songs at church or not singing at all. 

I believe in the importance of compassion, but am wrapped up in myself and acts of kindness go undone. I value integrity, but I am not true to myself and what I once believed.

Do I love others in concrete ways each day? Do I live intentionally and with purpose? Am I a good friend and loving sister and daughter?

I realize a mission statement is something you want to work on and aim for, and may not reflect the realities of your present life, but I can barely articulate let alone live out my vision and values. For someone who used to consider the lilies and once wrote so passionately about my beliefs, it is a wake up call to rediscover my sense of purpose and reignite my passion. For some reason, I can't envision this awakening happening without a renewal in my relationship with God. Life seems utterly meaningless and directionless without him.


Marian said...

Rooting for you!

Ryan said...

Those feelings - that things are ebbing low, that you've lost direction, lost drive, lost the true you - they're not fake. You're not wrong to identify those feelings.

You are drawing the wrong conclusion from them though.

You're concluding from them that there's something wrong in your life, or with you.

But that's not the case.

What they never warn you about is that these seasons are normal in life, and almost everyone gets them.

It means very little, except that you are human.

The only thing to do is keep soldering on till the season passes. Which it will.
(then it will come back again later. then go away again. and so on. That's life.)

good luck

Suzanne den Boer said...

Thanks Mom. Ryan, thanks for your thought-provoking comment as well. I will have to mull it over a bit more.