At His Feet

I have learnt that rushing around, running errands and trying to squeeze as much out of my day as possible, can be counterproductive. I am not currently working either of my two jobs, but it is amazing how much busyness I can pack into one day.

Today I did two appointments, stopped at the library and then thankfully remembered to hit up the pharmacy. Yesterday I did groceries, a walk just before dinner, made a quick bite to eat, and then rushed of to a Bible study, on Mary and Martha, of all things.

I want to be like Mary, but some days I am much more like Martha. Goal-orientated and very focused on what needs to be done. Today I managed to sleep a little later, so I made breakfast, managed to read two of my customary three devotionals and rushed out the door. I ended packing a lunch and eating it with my peer support worker, which was a pleasant respite. She makes me smile, always!

Now I need to be off to volunteer in about one hour, so it will be a speedy meal and out the door again. I am packing some things so I won't starve.

I am only volunteering every other day, which gives me some breathing room. Also it is only for a limited time and then I will explore other volunteer opportunities.

I am glad I have all this free time though, because there are real advantages to not having work, and being able to do whatever you feel like on a given day. I likely won't experience such a freedom again until I actually do retire, or take a vacation to some sunny destination.

After I come back from out West, it will be back to the prosaic reality of two jobs, continuing my varied appointments, and commitments and earning a living. It is fortunate that I am generally a saver and not a spender, as things do add up to be quite expensive, paying the phone bill, rent, car expenses and personal products. I am fortunate to have a car I suppose, or I couldn't work in home care and foot care at all. I can't imagine busing it with all my equipment and sundries. Also I am generally impatient and often walk away from the bus stop before the bus even arrives. I lost a couple of toenails that way when I was wearing unsuitable foot wear.

When I was in the hospital I pretended I was in a spa, or monastery, but honestly it sometimes felt more like a prison. It was beautiful, spacious and filled with people who wanted to help me. I had my own room and washroom. I had wonderful meals and even a bed time snack if I was peckish. There were recreational programs and a beautiful room to relax in if you were feeling stressed. It was the best hospital I have ever been in. Still I sometimes was convinced every one had to escape and I had to lead people in a mass Exodus out of there. I was so unwell I just knew I could do anything and be any one I wanted. One of my doctors thought I had ADHD, but I didn't. I just couldn't stop ever.

But sometimes you need to take a breather. You need to slowly inhale then exhale, then repeat the process. You need to just be, and not do. You need to realize there is nothing you can do, or have to do to earn your salvation. You need to stop striving so hard, and to hear again about grace, undeserved and unmerited favour. And then you just need to say thanks. Because Martha learned from Jesus that she could also sit at his feet, and learn and grow. And Mary was allowed something that went counter to all cultural expectations at the time. Women couldn't even go past the Women's Court at the time, and she could sit at the feet of the Great Master and Teacher. I am learning, in all my busyness, that is really the best place to be.