Broken but Beautiful

Every piece of me, shattered and dispersed, fits together in a mosaic of untold beauty. The shards glued back together, reassembled and sorted interlock and form a picture of God's grace. The cracks are where the light gets in, as a Switchfoot lyric goes.

What could have destroyed me, has only made me stronger, stronger in the broken places. I have scar tissue, but that's the body's way of healing itself. My brain is recovering and I have the mind of Christ, a sound mind that is disciplined and recognizes that old patterns will no longer work.

Sometimes the old ways reassert themselves. I begin to catatrophize or I exhibit all or nothing thinking. I consider throwing a pity party or I worry about the future and fail to envision any hope. I view the past with a blue lens, remembering all the horror and pain. I look forward thirty years or just ten and wonder how I can survive this condition.

But I am not meant to live in the past or in the future. The now, the present moment, is all I have to consider. I don't have the grace for tomorrow's problems and stewing about the past is a dead end.

Finding out who I am is an amazing pursuit. Who I am in Christ and who I was created and designed to be. Discovering who God is also a spectacular journey that will never end definitively, because He is so much greater than we could ever imagine and so much beyond what we could ever know.

I'm glad I am on this pathway to life and I know who goes before me and who stands behind. I feel safe and secure in the shelter of His love. I believe He will always go with me and even if I have to go to the other side of the sea, His right hand will hold me fast.

I am looking for my calling, the place where my giftings, and the deepest need in the world intersect. This is my true vocation, and I know I have been blessed in order to be a blessing. It may or may not involve my career, but I know my talents cannot be buried or used selfishly to no one's benefit but my own. I don't know how I will serve others; I don't know how I will share the love of God; I just know I am commanded to love other believers and my neighbour, and to share the good news, making disciples of all nations, baptizing them, and teaching them to obey the Lord's commands. He promises to be with me always to the very end of the age. "Fear not little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."