As the 2018 calender gets put away, I want to begin anew. I want to let go of old ways of coping, old baggage and insecurities, old patterns of behaviour. I want to rid myself of envy, greed, malice, and slander. I desire a new heart, no longer of stone, but one of flesh. I want the weeds in my garden uprooted.
I have gone through a season of pruning, of painful changes, of choices I never wanted to face. I have found throughout my pathway to wellness that God drew near and kept His promises to me. He remained faithful and true to His Word no matter how up and down my emotions were.
God definitely got my attention. CS Lewis once said that pain is God's megaphone to the world. I now have a dialogue with God that I don't want to end. I have a friendship with Jesus; I am sure of the Father's love; I have a newfound reliance on the Holy Spirit.
Life is not a rose-garden, by any means, but neither is it a place devoid of beauty or truth. As I look to the spring I think about rebirth and renewal and about what I will plant in my garden literally and metaphorically.
Things I want to throw away include anxiety, worry, negative attitudes and expectations, insecurity, and the belief that I can't cope with life. Things I want to embrace include confidence in God and myself, love for others and God, peace within and without, joy not based on circumstance, patience when I need to wait, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. I want my life to be enriched by the fruit of the Spirit and my life to be productive in things of eternal value.
I want to be a marathon runner, training my body and mind to compete so as to win the prize. I want to be a farmer patiently waiting for the rains. I want to be a soldier who fights for truth and justice and defends against the onslaught of the Enemy.
"Search me, God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24
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