I am a founding member of a small group of writers called The Clay Pot Society. The group is so small it consists only of myself and a friend at present. Our second meeting was last night and we met at a small restaurant in Westdale did some writing exercises and later shared some of our new material. This is the poem I wrote for the occasion.
We Know, And Yet...
So we know how it should work
The branch drawing nourishment from the vine
Sucking sustenance (need I be scientific?)
Water and nutrients capillarizing
The branch staying fresh and green
Budding with promise
And then bearing fruit
Fruit that ripens on the vine
Turning from small sour green to large luscious purple
We know all this, and what’s more we
know about complete joy, kept commands,
chosen friends, and sacrificial love
Yes we know about pruned branches and lasting fruit,
answered requests and proven discipleship
So why do I feel more like
the dry withered branch
tossed aside
and destined for the bonfire?
I suspect capillarizing is really not a word, and I admit my knowledge of viticulture is deficient, whatever else I may know, but we in The Clay Poet Society are not harsh critics and are accepting of all literary efforts.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Update on "The Pearl"
I entered the "God Uses Ink Novice Contest" a few weeks ago. I found out yesterday that I won third prize for my age group. I tied for third with some-one else and the prize is a $50 gift certicate to the Word Guild. Unfortunately, it is hard to spend this money unless you go to the writers' conference in June which would cost you another $350. I am not sure what else you could get with it from them, but my Mom is going to the conference so maybe she could try to spend it there. Or, as she just suggested, she could try to apply it to her own registration and then give me the $50. The first prize was free admission to the Writers' Conference and second prize was a $100 certificate. My reward from my Mom for even entering the contest is that she is going to take me out to a restaurant of my choice. I am somewhat excited about winning third, but slightly disappointed I didn't win first prize so I could go to the writers' conference for free. It would have been fun, but I didn't really expect I would win first. I will get an email soon with the judge's comments.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
An Adventure
Yesterday I went for a walk with my friend Mary-Ann. I wanted to go to the brow, but she wanted to go to Bayfront near the Hamilton Art Gallery where there is a Williams Coffee Pub and washrooms to use. Correction- there used to be a Williams Coffee Pub and there is now an empty building that they are doing major renovations/reconstruction work to. And we didn't exactly go for a walk it was more like a stroll and a stand-still-and-watch-the-ship-unload because-ships-are-so-fascinating. Actually I don't know if ship is the most precise term to use, since it is almost the maximum size that can make it here in the Great Lakes up the Saint Lawrence seaway. Maybe a freighter? After watching the ship unload we drove a little ways away near the Haida where we stood watching another ship back up and contemplated squeezing through the hole in the closed gate in the high steel fence with its forbidding barbed wire at the top. Earlier Mary-Ann had explained that even though the signs on another gate leading into restricted industrial-type shipping area said Authorized Entry only, ID cards necessary etc. it meant nothing without the words trespassers will be prosecuted. Then we saw those words on another sign and so now we stood at the gate near the Haida that Mary-Ann said was sometimes open. We saw a man walk by and enter the restricted industrial-type area. An elderly couple in a car stared us a long time before driving away. We were thinking of squeezing through the gate when we were approached by a youngish man, from a distance strangely reminiscent of my former friend who would be boyfriend, Jim. I was commenting to Mary-Ann that he reminded me of some-one I used to know, when he called out, "Are you waiting for the tug-boat guys?" Mary-Ann hastily explained that we were just standing here watching the ships, thinking we might get in trouble if he suspected we were trying to squeeze through the gate. A conversation followed and we learned he was a pilot/sailor who was piloting the first ship we had been watching that was leaving at 11:30 pm. His name was Jim some-body and he said no one cared if you went in the restricted area, but you had to be careful not to get in the way of the fork-lifts.
He offered to walk with us into the restricted ship-yard and asked us what we did for a living. He thought we might be reporters. Mary-Ann gets that a lot. I laughed and told him that Mary-Ann should be a reporter, and Mary-Ann said we are just nosy and curious. We soon found ourselves standing right by the ship. The ship was from Hong-Kong and had stopped in Korea and it's crew was Indian. Jim asked us if we wanted him to ask if he could give us a tour. I said, "Sure, but only if it wouldn't put anybody out." Mary-Ann looked at me and told me quietly it wasn't a good idea, "Do you know what the third most prevalent international crime is?" I didn't know it was kidnapping for the sex trade, but I didn't feel that worried. "I don't want to get locked in a cabin somewhere," she said under her breath, "We talked about it in my classes at the end of university." I told her, "Okay we won't do it." But Mary-Ann found it impossible to refuse politely and wasn't coming up with any excuses. I just stood there smiling, no help at all. Jim was busy getting permission, while Mary-Ann kept on repeating that we could just watch from our current position. "I sorry but we don't know you," she said as she stood at the entrance to the ship after climbing up the gang-way. We walked onto the ship and a man paged the captain for us, while we signed in and got badges. Mary-Ann didn't complete her signing in before she decided she was done, and was told repeatedly "sign, sign." The tour was short, Jim called it the nickle tour, and he took us on to the bridge of the ship (I am very weak on ship terms but I mean the part of the ship with the controls where the pilot steers the ship.) On the way, which took us through numerous stairways and corridors and doorways, we saw some eating quarters and living quarters. Every thing was extremely clean, cleaner than my house at home, and nothing was rickety. Mary-Ann says she was praying the whole time that she wouldn't be kidnapped and at one point when Jim said, "After you," as we stood by a door Jim had just opened, Mary-Ann worried he was going to turn around and lock the door after we went in. She didn't want to be the first in. I wasn't concerned at all and I wasn't praying or aware how worried Mary-Ann was. We met the pilot, who we had actually seen earlier walk in, while we had been standing by the Haida, and he remembered seeing us earlier. He said if we waited a few minutes he could get us a drink. I would have agreed, as in some cultures it is rude to decline anything, but Mary-Ann said quickly that we really must be going because we had somewhere to be. We both thanked the captain and looked around awhile longer at all the instruments. We quickly navigated back down through the ship and soon were back in the place where we had signed in. We surrendered our badges and thanked every one profusely. Jim led us back through the ship yard to the gate. He said "You thought you were going to be sold into white slavery didn't you?" Mary-Ann said, "Actually yes."
We stood near the parking lot and had a discussion about his line of work and the dark side of globalization. His whole family is or has been involved with shipping and he worked around the world on ocean-liners for a few years. One Christmas Eve he was on a ship I forget where and there was a fire that took eight hours to put out and he decided enough was enough and he didn't want to die on a ship some day. Since then he has worked in the US and Canada piloting ships through the habours and locks. There always must be a Canadian or American pilot when navigating the harbours in the US or Canada. He said some ships have deplorable conditions like no drinkable tap water and rats and he has seen sailors from third-world countries who haven't been paid in two years or in four-months, but are trapped and can't leave because they don't have their passports which are held by some-one else in the ship. The companies sometimes have no intention of paying them and their wages are low in any case. He is able to draw attention to these cases when they come into the harbours. Often the ships are built cheaply in China and some don't hold up very well. They might be run by a company based in Montreal and have an Indian crew and the owner may be who knows where, but usually the profits from this lucrative business are not taxed and are somewhere off-shore. The ships are expensive to repair however. Usually the ships will be running on minimal fuel when going through the harbours and locks so that more cargo can be packed in. The ship we toured had mostly steel, but Jim has seen unique cargo like a ship only carrying bottles of Scotch or wine. He has a couple complimentary bottles of Scotch sitting in his windowsill at home. He said the Hamilton Harbour is going like gang-busters with a lot of steel being shipped in.
A man from the Port Authority drove up and Jim had a conversation with him while still maintaining eye contact with us. Eventually Mary-Ann and I thanked Jim again and drove off. We enthused about our adventure and Mary-Ann said she had to tell her sister about it who would be so jealous. We went to her apartment and I told her room-mate about it, while Mary-Ann phoned her Mom to find out where her sister was. Her Mom told her off for being so foolish. I am not sure if she reached her sister. Mary-Ann phoned her boyfriend and left a breath-less message and then we went out to Second Cup. When I got home my Dad agreed with Mary-Ann's Mom's assessment, "Mary-Ann must be a little more street smart." My Mom felt more like I had and thought it was a pretty amazing adventure. That's what happens when you go for a walk with Mary-Ann. She threatens to tell the story at my wedding, if I ever have one since I am not even dating, and she would explain how I almost "got her killed or sold into prostitution." Good times.
He offered to walk with us into the restricted ship-yard and asked us what we did for a living. He thought we might be reporters. Mary-Ann gets that a lot. I laughed and told him that Mary-Ann should be a reporter, and Mary-Ann said we are just nosy and curious. We soon found ourselves standing right by the ship. The ship was from Hong-Kong and had stopped in Korea and it's crew was Indian. Jim asked us if we wanted him to ask if he could give us a tour. I said, "Sure, but only if it wouldn't put anybody out." Mary-Ann looked at me and told me quietly it wasn't a good idea, "Do you know what the third most prevalent international crime is?" I didn't know it was kidnapping for the sex trade, but I didn't feel that worried. "I don't want to get locked in a cabin somewhere," she said under her breath, "We talked about it in my classes at the end of university." I told her, "Okay we won't do it." But Mary-Ann found it impossible to refuse politely and wasn't coming up with any excuses. I just stood there smiling, no help at all. Jim was busy getting permission, while Mary-Ann kept on repeating that we could just watch from our current position. "I sorry but we don't know you," she said as she stood at the entrance to the ship after climbing up the gang-way. We walked onto the ship and a man paged the captain for us, while we signed in and got badges. Mary-Ann didn't complete her signing in before she decided she was done, and was told repeatedly "sign, sign." The tour was short, Jim called it the nickle tour, and he took us on to the bridge of the ship (I am very weak on ship terms but I mean the part of the ship with the controls where the pilot steers the ship.) On the way, which took us through numerous stairways and corridors and doorways, we saw some eating quarters and living quarters. Every thing was extremely clean, cleaner than my house at home, and nothing was rickety. Mary-Ann says she was praying the whole time that she wouldn't be kidnapped and at one point when Jim said, "After you," as we stood by a door Jim had just opened, Mary-Ann worried he was going to turn around and lock the door after we went in. She didn't want to be the first in. I wasn't concerned at all and I wasn't praying or aware how worried Mary-Ann was. We met the pilot, who we had actually seen earlier walk in, while we had been standing by the Haida, and he remembered seeing us earlier. He said if we waited a few minutes he could get us a drink. I would have agreed, as in some cultures it is rude to decline anything, but Mary-Ann said quickly that we really must be going because we had somewhere to be. We both thanked the captain and looked around awhile longer at all the instruments. We quickly navigated back down through the ship and soon were back in the place where we had signed in. We surrendered our badges and thanked every one profusely. Jim led us back through the ship yard to the gate. He said "You thought you were going to be sold into white slavery didn't you?" Mary-Ann said, "Actually yes."
We stood near the parking lot and had a discussion about his line of work and the dark side of globalization. His whole family is or has been involved with shipping and he worked around the world on ocean-liners for a few years. One Christmas Eve he was on a ship I forget where and there was a fire that took eight hours to put out and he decided enough was enough and he didn't want to die on a ship some day. Since then he has worked in the US and Canada piloting ships through the habours and locks. There always must be a Canadian or American pilot when navigating the harbours in the US or Canada. He said some ships have deplorable conditions like no drinkable tap water and rats and he has seen sailors from third-world countries who haven't been paid in two years or in four-months, but are trapped and can't leave because they don't have their passports which are held by some-one else in the ship. The companies sometimes have no intention of paying them and their wages are low in any case. He is able to draw attention to these cases when they come into the harbours. Often the ships are built cheaply in China and some don't hold up very well. They might be run by a company based in Montreal and have an Indian crew and the owner may be who knows where, but usually the profits from this lucrative business are not taxed and are somewhere off-shore. The ships are expensive to repair however. Usually the ships will be running on minimal fuel when going through the harbours and locks so that more cargo can be packed in. The ship we toured had mostly steel, but Jim has seen unique cargo like a ship only carrying bottles of Scotch or wine. He has a couple complimentary bottles of Scotch sitting in his windowsill at home. He said the Hamilton Harbour is going like gang-busters with a lot of steel being shipped in.
A man from the Port Authority drove up and Jim had a conversation with him while still maintaining eye contact with us. Eventually Mary-Ann and I thanked Jim again and drove off. We enthused about our adventure and Mary-Ann said she had to tell her sister about it who would be so jealous. We went to her apartment and I told her room-mate about it, while Mary-Ann phoned her Mom to find out where her sister was. Her Mom told her off for being so foolish. I am not sure if she reached her sister. Mary-Ann phoned her boyfriend and left a breath-less message and then we went out to Second Cup. When I got home my Dad agreed with Mary-Ann's Mom's assessment, "Mary-Ann must be a little more street smart." My Mom felt more like I had and thought it was a pretty amazing adventure. That's what happens when you go for a walk with Mary-Ann. She threatens to tell the story at my wedding, if I ever have one since I am not even dating, and she would explain how I almost "got her killed or sold into prostitution." Good times.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
To My Sister On Her Birthday
Sister, I know you as
a bubbling brook sparkling
with the sun reaching its golden fingers
to its depths as if to pluck
its glinting stones, small smooth brightly coloured
gifts to the world
that make your song so beautiful
I remember you laughing, your dark head
bent, your exotic eyes sparkling
I remember your gap-toothed smile, so ready
and so charming
Your name means “pretty” and you always were
I remember your cute little ringlets as a toddler
And how you communicated by gestures and sounds
rather than words
Later you made up for it and could keep up a steady stream of chatter
I remember your ever-present hair-bands
when you were growing your bangs out
They were bright, fat, and cloth-coloured
and held back your bubbled hair
slightly bleached by the sun
I remember how you would seize upon an idea and not let go
You understood the parable of the persistent widow
better than any one I know
I remember how you found friends everywhere
And cared deeply about them all
I remember when we were room-mates sharing a bunk bed
You were a collector, but organized
I lazed in bed in the mornings but you always
leapt out of bed to greet the day
I remember when we were devotional partners
praying and laughing together, excited by our spiritual potential
Does the stream flow on and the dance
of light continue? Does your song go on?
I hope the spring thaw will swell your banks
For to you I may be a sister of blood only
But you will always be a sister of my heart
a bubbling brook sparkling
with the sun reaching its golden fingers
to its depths as if to pluck
its glinting stones, small smooth brightly coloured
gifts to the world
that make your song so beautiful
I remember you laughing, your dark head
bent, your exotic eyes sparkling
I remember your gap-toothed smile, so ready
and so charming
Your name means “pretty” and you always were
I remember your cute little ringlets as a toddler
And how you communicated by gestures and sounds
rather than words
Later you made up for it and could keep up a steady stream of chatter
I remember your ever-present hair-bands
when you were growing your bangs out
They were bright, fat, and cloth-coloured
and held back your bubbled hair
slightly bleached by the sun
I remember how you would seize upon an idea and not let go
You understood the parable of the persistent widow
better than any one I know
I remember how you found friends everywhere
And cared deeply about them all
I remember when we were room-mates sharing a bunk bed
You were a collector, but organized
I lazed in bed in the mornings but you always
leapt out of bed to greet the day
I remember when we were devotional partners
praying and laughing together, excited by our spiritual potential
Does the stream flow on and the dance
of light continue? Does your song go on?
I hope the spring thaw will swell your banks
For to you I may be a sister of blood only
But you will always be a sister of my heart
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Yes, it's true I have an addiction (other than my obvious addiction to chocolate)
I have a confession to make. While from my postings you might surmise I am a deep person with profound thoughts on religious subjects, in fact I am an entertainment news addict. While I have never actually bought a celebrity news tabloid, when I am listening to the radio I am more likely to tune into and actually retain the lastest celebrity gossip about Madonna than I am to pay attention to and understand the significance of Stephen Harper's latest political appointment. When I open the Hamilton Spectator I feel an irresistible pull to the tabloid-like page of celebrity news and gossip. A few weeks go I made a deal with my sister Rachel that we would no longer read this page upon penalty of two hard slaps, one on each cheek (of our face). I have been slapped about three times, but that only constitutes a fraction of my actual offenses. I still read it almost every day, only surreptitiously. I know it is a waste of time and I shouldn't really care about what Paris Hilton said about Nicole Richie's alleged eating disorder, but I just can't break the habit. I could be reading about something that actually matters like world events or politics and learning something of value. Instead I contemplate the latest celebrity romances, marriages, births, and divorces. Will Jude Law and Sienna Miller get together again for the fourth time? Is Lindsay Lohan dating Leonardo Dicaprio? Will Eminem's marriage end for the second time?
I first realized the seriousness of my problem when I felt inordinately worried and upset about Katie Holmes' relationship to Tom Cruise. I mean here was a Catholic girl, who had professed her intent to remain a virgin until marriage, who gets involved with a much older actor and is introduced to Scientology and eventually becomes pregnant. Scientology is a very strange, twisted religion that does something called auditing to cleanse you of your past painful memories, and takes in alot of money doing it. I followed each painful stage of their relationship from the couch jumping antics of Tom Cruise to their engagement to the announcement of Katie's Holmes pregnancy to the birth of Suri, their daughter who supposedly had a silent birth as per Scientology teaching. Why was I so fascinated by the story? I don't know, but I felt the same sick fascination with any story about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Should I care that Brad Pitt made the top 100 unsexiest list due to rumoured poor hygiene? No, but I do, otherwise why would I retain this trivial, useless information?
Clearly drastic action is required to break me of this disgusting habit. Is an intervention called for? Perhaps a deliverance session? I am hoping a public admission of my problem will encourage accountability and force change. I wonder if there is an entertainment addicts anoynomous I could join?
I first realized the seriousness of my problem when I felt inordinately worried and upset about Katie Holmes' relationship to Tom Cruise. I mean here was a Catholic girl, who had professed her intent to remain a virgin until marriage, who gets involved with a much older actor and is introduced to Scientology and eventually becomes pregnant. Scientology is a very strange, twisted religion that does something called auditing to cleanse you of your past painful memories, and takes in alot of money doing it. I followed each painful stage of their relationship from the couch jumping antics of Tom Cruise to their engagement to the announcement of Katie's Holmes pregnancy to the birth of Suri, their daughter who supposedly had a silent birth as per Scientology teaching. Why was I so fascinated by the story? I don't know, but I felt the same sick fascination with any story about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Should I care that Brad Pitt made the top 100 unsexiest list due to rumoured poor hygiene? No, but I do, otherwise why would I retain this trivial, useless information?
Clearly drastic action is required to break me of this disgusting habit. Is an intervention called for? Perhaps a deliverance session? I am hoping a public admission of my problem will encourage accountability and force change. I wonder if there is an entertainment addicts anoynomous I could join?
Saturday, April 15, 2006
A Poem that didn't make it by snail mail
This is a poem that I wrote for a writing contest with the theme finding the courage to answer God's call. I mailed it in on Sunday night, but unfortunately I did not put enough postage on it so it never arrived at its intended destination. I expect it will arrive back at my house soon. I am rather disappointed in myself as the deadline for the entries was this past Thursday.
The Pearl
Words echo through a cavernous
void, “Receive the healing of God
Be healed in heart
Be healed in your emotions
Be healed in your mind AND
GET YOUR DREAM BACK!”
My dream, I have a dream?
My dream, if I have one, lies
cold and hard like a stone
at the bottom of a deep, dark well
My dream sits in a dusty attic
buried among things long abandoned
in some crumbling cardboard box
I can’t- won’t search for it
won’t gaze upon it
or examine its contours
For it is a treasure I most fear to find
Unearthing it might demand of me
my carefully hoarded treasures to be sold
in order to claim it. It would require throwing away
these images of stone and carven wood
Upon discovery I would not buy
the field in which I found it, I would bury it deeper
let the dark earth cover it
I stop up my ears because I don’t
want to hear God call me by name
Because finding my dream, hearing God’s voice,
would require finding the courage to
take a step towards the dream’s fulfillment
And then another and another
on the long, perilous journey
I need the courage to surrender myself
to unstop my ears LISTEN
open my heart OBEY
unclench my hands FORGIVE
For if I would turn he would heal me
I must open my coal-seared
lips and speak into the void,
“Here I am.
Send me.”
The Pearl
Words echo through a cavernous
void, “Receive the healing of God
Be healed in heart
Be healed in your emotions
Be healed in your mind AND
GET YOUR DREAM BACK!”
My dream, I have a dream?
My dream, if I have one, lies
cold and hard like a stone
at the bottom of a deep, dark well
My dream sits in a dusty attic
buried among things long abandoned
in some crumbling cardboard box
I can’t- won’t search for it
won’t gaze upon it
or examine its contours
For it is a treasure I most fear to find
Unearthing it might demand of me
my carefully hoarded treasures to be sold
in order to claim it. It would require throwing away
these images of stone and carven wood
Upon discovery I would not buy
the field in which I found it, I would bury it deeper
let the dark earth cover it
I stop up my ears because I don’t
want to hear God call me by name
Because finding my dream, hearing God’s voice,
would require finding the courage to
take a step towards the dream’s fulfillment
And then another and another
on the long, perilous journey
I need the courage to surrender myself
to unstop my ears LISTEN
open my heart OBEY
unclench my hands FORGIVE
For if I would turn he would heal me
I must open my coal-seared
lips and speak into the void,
“Here I am.
Send me.”
Saturday, April 08, 2006
How many books do you own?
I own 189 (yes I counted them). I used to have more, but I got rid of some. Some are duplicates and some are comic books (19). Many of them are novels from my English classes. I have seven Bibles.
What book is your latest purchase?
My most recent purchase of a book is Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg. I started reading a copy from my highschool's library years ago, but I didn't finish it because I was too offended by the implied lesbianism, which though not as overt as in "The Color Purple" by Alice Walker (another book I started in highschool but didn't finish until university), is much more overt than it is in the movie. I got a gift card from my friend for Christmas and this was my selection. I had just read "A Redbird Christmas" by the same author, a light-hearted book I enjoyed immensely.
What book have you most recently read?
I reread "The Orthodox Way" by Bishop Kallistos Ware and finished it yesterday on my lunch break. It is a general account of the doctrine, worship and life of Orthodox Christians and, even the second time around, it was very thought-provoking and challenging.
Name five great books with impact on you.
1)War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
2)Perelandra by C.S. Lewis
3)Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
4)The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
5)Who do you say that I am? Christians Encounter Other Religions by Calvin E. Shenk
Who do you challenge to answer these same questions?
Well, since most people I know who read my blog and are bloggers themselves are already tagged, I tag Andrea Hensen and that's it.
I own 189 (yes I counted them). I used to have more, but I got rid of some. Some are duplicates and some are comic books (19). Many of them are novels from my English classes. I have seven Bibles.
What book is your latest purchase?
My most recent purchase of a book is Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg. I started reading a copy from my highschool's library years ago, but I didn't finish it because I was too offended by the implied lesbianism, which though not as overt as in "The Color Purple" by Alice Walker (another book I started in highschool but didn't finish until university), is much more overt than it is in the movie. I got a gift card from my friend for Christmas and this was my selection. I had just read "A Redbird Christmas" by the same author, a light-hearted book I enjoyed immensely.
What book have you most recently read?
I reread "The Orthodox Way" by Bishop Kallistos Ware and finished it yesterday on my lunch break. It is a general account of the doctrine, worship and life of Orthodox Christians and, even the second time around, it was very thought-provoking and challenging.
Name five great books with impact on you.
1)War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
2)Perelandra by C.S. Lewis
3)Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
4)The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
5)Who do you say that I am? Christians Encounter Other Religions by Calvin E. Shenk
Who do you challenge to answer these same questions?
Well, since most people I know who read my blog and are bloggers themselves are already tagged, I tag Andrea Hensen and that's it.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Reflections on Baptism
This reflection was originally posted last week, but I deleted the posting after realizing that my blog is almost entirely reflections on my faith. I do want to write about other things, but ideas aren't forthcoming. Can I have blogger's block at this early stage in my blog development? Anyways my sister emailed me and mentioned she appreciated this posting, not that she had noticed its absence, so here it is again resurrected from my Word Perfect files. Hopefully my next posting will take this blog into new, exciting territory.
A few weeks ago I witnessed a baptism, actually--more than twenty baptisms, including that of my close friend, at a charismatic church not far from my house. Most of the people being baptized were young teenagers or young adults and some cracked a few jokes at their own expense or the expense of their church culture's. There were many people doing the baptizing and most of them were not pastors, but cell group leaders and mentors of the young people. The baptism was by immersion and every one gave their testimony before they were baptized in the name of "the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit-in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ." My friend had already been baptized--at least once. I am not sure if she was baptized as infant, but she was baptized as a young teenager. When she told me she was going to be baptized again, I told her of my conviction that one baptism is enough. She told me that when she was baptized as a young teenager her reason was that she feared the baptism experience and wanted to get it over with. So when our mutual friend who went to the same church as her told her she was going to be baptized, my friend decided to be baptized as well. She said she didn't really know Christ then as her personal Saviour. She always told herself, whenever she felt the prompting to be baptized as a believer, that maybe she had gotten things a little backward, but she was baptized after all. But recently she had felt led to humble herself and take a step of faith and trust by being baptized even though she had been an active, faithful member of her church for several years.
I grew up in the CRC and was baptized as an infant. When my family left the CRC in my late teens we went to a charismatic Word-Faith church. My parents and three of my siblings were baptized again as believers in various swimming pools. I remember one occasion when a number of people from our church, including my younger sister, were being baptized in our swimming pool. The pastor pressured me to be baptized as well. I told him firmly that I had already been baptized. To me the point in baptism was what God was doing, so whether I was an unknowing infant being sealed with covenant promises or whether I was a believer who was determined to follow Christ, it didn't matter. Infant baptism was legitimate and could be followed up with a public profession of faith when the age of maturity was reached. To me it seemed just another way to arrive at the same place. In university I heard of one lady who was baptized six or seven times, whenever she came back to the faith following a period when she had backslid into a life of sin. For my church history course, I did a twelve page paper on the Church Fathers' view of baptism and the Eucharist and it confirmed me in my view that baptism should not be repeated. I also learned about the rich symbolism involved in the sacrament as one is buried with Christ when immersed in water and then raised to newness of life when brought back up. You died to sin and then were made a new creature in Christ. The point was what God was doing in forgiving your sins, adopting you as his child and heir, and sealing your eternal life, whether you was sprinkled or submerged in water and whether you were an infant or adult. I did admit it would be nice to remember your baptism as a turning point in your life, but it was also good to know you had been baptized as an infant and God had placed his seal of ownership on you and made you covenant promises you could later accept and affirm. It showed his grace in your life before you even could accept it. You were a covenant child, a child of God even though you were to young to understand the meaning of it.
But as I listened to my friend give her testimony and watched her get baptized, I felt proud of her and certain that she was taking a step in obedience and submission to God. Yes, she had already been baptized, at least once. But being dogmatic about these points might be to hinder how God is working in some-one's life. I realized I felt envious too, as I think it would be such a rich, meaningful experience to be baptized as a believer and to be so identified with Christ's death and resurrection that you die to sin and are raised to new life. It would be a sign-post, a turning point, a life-altering event. Yes a public profession of faith can function in much the same way, but it is not as symbolically powerful. And being baptized after deliberately deciding to follow Christ means what God is doing in the sacrament can be immediately applied to your life of faith in a powerful way, rather than, as in infant baptism, be potential covenantal promises to be appreciated later at the age of understanding and later accepted or denied. I still believe my baptism as an infant is valid and does not need to be repeated, but if I ever had the opportunity to be baptized as a believer I would not hesitate. Because I am a member of the CRC, such an opportunity in any official sense is not likely to occur. My Mom pointed out I could be baptized in my own pool if I wanted. I'm not sure if I would do that. Would I have my own children baptized as infants? If I was a member in the CRC, I probably would do so and I would appreciate the promises of God and the seal of the covenant, but deep in my heart I would wish my child to be baptized as a believer when he or she makes a concious choice for Christ. Either way God's grace will be at work in the lives of my children and he is able to redeem them by his love. He is bigger than any doctrine or dogma and he is at work in my life,in the life of my courageous friend, and in the lives of all his children.
A few weeks ago I witnessed a baptism, actually--more than twenty baptisms, including that of my close friend, at a charismatic church not far from my house. Most of the people being baptized were young teenagers or young adults and some cracked a few jokes at their own expense or the expense of their church culture's. There were many people doing the baptizing and most of them were not pastors, but cell group leaders and mentors of the young people. The baptism was by immersion and every one gave their testimony before they were baptized in the name of "the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit-in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ." My friend had already been baptized--at least once. I am not sure if she was baptized as infant, but she was baptized as a young teenager. When she told me she was going to be baptized again, I told her of my conviction that one baptism is enough. She told me that when she was baptized as a young teenager her reason was that she feared the baptism experience and wanted to get it over with. So when our mutual friend who went to the same church as her told her she was going to be baptized, my friend decided to be baptized as well. She said she didn't really know Christ then as her personal Saviour. She always told herself, whenever she felt the prompting to be baptized as a believer, that maybe she had gotten things a little backward, but she was baptized after all. But recently she had felt led to humble herself and take a step of faith and trust by being baptized even though she had been an active, faithful member of her church for several years.
I grew up in the CRC and was baptized as an infant. When my family left the CRC in my late teens we went to a charismatic Word-Faith church. My parents and three of my siblings were baptized again as believers in various swimming pools. I remember one occasion when a number of people from our church, including my younger sister, were being baptized in our swimming pool. The pastor pressured me to be baptized as well. I told him firmly that I had already been baptized. To me the point in baptism was what God was doing, so whether I was an unknowing infant being sealed with covenant promises or whether I was a believer who was determined to follow Christ, it didn't matter. Infant baptism was legitimate and could be followed up with a public profession of faith when the age of maturity was reached. To me it seemed just another way to arrive at the same place. In university I heard of one lady who was baptized six or seven times, whenever she came back to the faith following a period when she had backslid into a life of sin. For my church history course, I did a twelve page paper on the Church Fathers' view of baptism and the Eucharist and it confirmed me in my view that baptism should not be repeated. I also learned about the rich symbolism involved in the sacrament as one is buried with Christ when immersed in water and then raised to newness of life when brought back up. You died to sin and then were made a new creature in Christ. The point was what God was doing in forgiving your sins, adopting you as his child and heir, and sealing your eternal life, whether you was sprinkled or submerged in water and whether you were an infant or adult. I did admit it would be nice to remember your baptism as a turning point in your life, but it was also good to know you had been baptized as an infant and God had placed his seal of ownership on you and made you covenant promises you could later accept and affirm. It showed his grace in your life before you even could accept it. You were a covenant child, a child of God even though you were to young to understand the meaning of it.
But as I listened to my friend give her testimony and watched her get baptized, I felt proud of her and certain that she was taking a step in obedience and submission to God. Yes, she had already been baptized, at least once. But being dogmatic about these points might be to hinder how God is working in some-one's life. I realized I felt envious too, as I think it would be such a rich, meaningful experience to be baptized as a believer and to be so identified with Christ's death and resurrection that you die to sin and are raised to new life. It would be a sign-post, a turning point, a life-altering event. Yes a public profession of faith can function in much the same way, but it is not as symbolically powerful. And being baptized after deliberately deciding to follow Christ means what God is doing in the sacrament can be immediately applied to your life of faith in a powerful way, rather than, as in infant baptism, be potential covenantal promises to be appreciated later at the age of understanding and later accepted or denied. I still believe my baptism as an infant is valid and does not need to be repeated, but if I ever had the opportunity to be baptized as a believer I would not hesitate. Because I am a member of the CRC, such an opportunity in any official sense is not likely to occur. My Mom pointed out I could be baptized in my own pool if I wanted. I'm not sure if I would do that. Would I have my own children baptized as infants? If I was a member in the CRC, I probably would do so and I would appreciate the promises of God and the seal of the covenant, but deep in my heart I would wish my child to be baptized as a believer when he or she makes a concious choice for Christ. Either way God's grace will be at work in the lives of my children and he is able to redeem them by his love. He is bigger than any doctrine or dogma and he is at work in my life,in the life of my courageous friend, and in the lives of all his children.
Friday, March 24, 2006
My Testimony
Although I gave this testimony nearly four months ago at the first Sunday of Advent evening service at Immanuel Christian Reformed Church, I thought I would post it as a statement of faith and a very necessary reminder that my future is in God's hands. Remembering what he has already done in my life helps drive self-pity, fear, and hopelessness away.
Testimony of Suzanne den Boer November 27, 2005
“Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” Psalm 103:1-5
That phrase “redeems your life from the pit” has a special significance to me. I know what it is like to be in a deep, dark pit and believe yourself utterly separated from God. But thankfully I also know about God’s forgiveness, healing, redemption, and love.
On May 31st, 1998 I stood before this congregation and made my public profession of faith. On that occasion I gave my testimony of how God had been with me through an extremely difficult time in my life when I was hospitalized with a severe depression. While at one point I literally believed myself in hell and was completely catatonic, there in the hospital God showed me his love in a real way. In my hospital bed I sang “Jesus loves me” and really knew in my heart that he did. During that testimony at my profession of faith, I also thanked the congregation of Immanuel for their incredible love, care, prayers, and support during this difficult time.
So why I am standing here again seven years later, having recently been readmitted to membership? I guess because my journey of faith and healing didn’t end on that day, but has continued with a few twists and turns and detours. I went through a period when I was very angry with God and doubted my faith and that I was even a “real Christian.” I didn’t think I could change, and, what is more, I didn’t want to. I felt sorry for myself and wondered what the point of my life was. If you ask my parents and some of my friends, you will be told that this period lasted for a long time---too long for some of them. Also at this time I was no longer at Immanuel, as soon after my profession of faith, I formally resigned my membership and left with my family. We attended a charismatic church that emphasised faith, healing, and the Holy Spirit. I did correspondence courses for a year, worked for a year at a factory, and then started my schooling at Redeemer College, still struggling in the basic question of “am I a real Christian?” My family eventually left the church we had been attending about a year after the founding pastor resigned. My parents started attending Flamborough Christian Fellowship where they still are today and I attended with them. There were a lot of good things about this church including Spirit-led prayer and ministry that helped me on my road to healing, but I didn’t feel completely at home there.
I started attending services at Immanuel in my fourth year at Redeemer and this past Spring I participated in the 40 Days of Purpose. This study helped me see God had created me for a purpose to love him, belong to his family, become like Christ, serve God, and be his hands and feet to a broken world and gave me hope that God would indeed complete the good work he began in me. I felt convicted that I should commit to a church family rather than casually attend church services, so this fall I started the process of again becoming a member at Immanuel. God recently confirmed to me that he is healing me in a deeper way in my heart, emotions, and mind and that I need to get my dream back, the one he gave me that I thought was lost forever. I am not at the end of my journey, but God has brought me this far and given me hope and a future. None of my pain will be wasted by God, but he is working all things for my good. I thank God for his forgiveness bought at a great price, his healing, his redemption, and his love and I know that as God helps me to become all that he is calling me to be and helps me grow in love and compassion, he will satisfy my desires with good things.
Testimony of Suzanne den Boer November 27, 2005
“Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” Psalm 103:1-5
That phrase “redeems your life from the pit” has a special significance to me. I know what it is like to be in a deep, dark pit and believe yourself utterly separated from God. But thankfully I also know about God’s forgiveness, healing, redemption, and love.
On May 31st, 1998 I stood before this congregation and made my public profession of faith. On that occasion I gave my testimony of how God had been with me through an extremely difficult time in my life when I was hospitalized with a severe depression. While at one point I literally believed myself in hell and was completely catatonic, there in the hospital God showed me his love in a real way. In my hospital bed I sang “Jesus loves me” and really knew in my heart that he did. During that testimony at my profession of faith, I also thanked the congregation of Immanuel for their incredible love, care, prayers, and support during this difficult time.
So why I am standing here again seven years later, having recently been readmitted to membership? I guess because my journey of faith and healing didn’t end on that day, but has continued with a few twists and turns and detours. I went through a period when I was very angry with God and doubted my faith and that I was even a “real Christian.” I didn’t think I could change, and, what is more, I didn’t want to. I felt sorry for myself and wondered what the point of my life was. If you ask my parents and some of my friends, you will be told that this period lasted for a long time---too long for some of them. Also at this time I was no longer at Immanuel, as soon after my profession of faith, I formally resigned my membership and left with my family. We attended a charismatic church that emphasised faith, healing, and the Holy Spirit. I did correspondence courses for a year, worked for a year at a factory, and then started my schooling at Redeemer College, still struggling in the basic question of “am I a real Christian?” My family eventually left the church we had been attending about a year after the founding pastor resigned. My parents started attending Flamborough Christian Fellowship where they still are today and I attended with them. There were a lot of good things about this church including Spirit-led prayer and ministry that helped me on my road to healing, but I didn’t feel completely at home there.
I started attending services at Immanuel in my fourth year at Redeemer and this past Spring I participated in the 40 Days of Purpose. This study helped me see God had created me for a purpose to love him, belong to his family, become like Christ, serve God, and be his hands and feet to a broken world and gave me hope that God would indeed complete the good work he began in me. I felt convicted that I should commit to a church family rather than casually attend church services, so this fall I started the process of again becoming a member at Immanuel. God recently confirmed to me that he is healing me in a deeper way in my heart, emotions, and mind and that I need to get my dream back, the one he gave me that I thought was lost forever. I am not at the end of my journey, but God has brought me this far and given me hope and a future. None of my pain will be wasted by God, but he is working all things for my good. I thank God for his forgiveness bought at a great price, his healing, his redemption, and his love and I know that as God helps me to become all that he is calling me to be and helps me grow in love and compassion, he will satisfy my desires with good things.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
A frivolous entry about
My Austenian Obsession 
Bottom right picture Emma (Gwyneth Paltrow) dances with Mr. George Knightley (Jeremy Northam). Middle picture Elizabeth Bennet (Keira Knightley) and Mr. Darcy (Matthew MacFadyen) share a tender moment long after Elizabeth's prejudice has dissipated and Darcy's pride has softened.
I appreciate all things Austenian. I have read each of Jane Austen's seven novels at least once, and my favourites I have read several times. My volume of Austen is dog-eared and the cover is falling apart. Periodically I used to rent the BBC's 1995 miniseries of Pride and Prejudice at the local video store. It was the same as renting six seven day rentals as it comes in six volumes of one hour each. Eventually I bought the DVD, reasoning it would pay for itself after the fifth viewing. I enjoy every moment of the six hours---at least once a year. Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy is a happy combination that can give me hours and hours of viewing pleasure. I also own the Oscar-award-winning Sense and Sensibility and Emma with Gwyneth Paltrow and I would buy the 1995 version of Persuasion if I could get my hands on a copy. Recently I purchased the 2005 film version of Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley, a movie I saw twice in theatres and would highly recommend to anyone who appreciates Austen and/or Pride and Prejudice.
When I was a young teenager I read a lot of sentimental Christian historical romance, much of it extremely badly written, and I found Jane Austen rather dull. I'd like to think I have a refined literary appreciation of Austen's novels now, especially since I majored in English literature in university. The truth is, while I do appreciate Austen's wonderfully accurate portrayal of English society of her day and her deep knowledge of human nature, I mostly love the novels for their stories of love overcoming barriers and obstacles and love triumphing in the end with the marriage of the heroine and hero. Some in my family have suggested that perhaps I would have enjoyed living in that time and spending my days embroidering cushions, going for long walks in the English country-side, attending dinner parties, and performing elaborate dances at private balls. In reality English gentlewomen's lives were very limited, as they could not work or get the same education as men, and their only means of ensuring their future and their continuance in the manner of life to which they were accustomed was to marry and marry well.
Recently some friends and I were discussing how Austen's female characters had little to do but sit around and work with their needle, drink tea, and attend dinner parties and the occasional ball, and the irony that we all were sitting around crocheting, having just finished our tea, was not lost on us, but of course, as we told each other, our lives consisted of much more than that. I'm sure, however, that we all would love to meet the modern equivalent of Mr. Darcy and have him fall madly in love with us, bewitched "body and soul" by our irresistible charms. I think I would settle for mere possession of irresistible charms.
Recently some friends and I were discussing how Austen's female characters had little to do but sit around and work with their needle, drink tea, and attend dinner parties and the occasional ball, and the irony that we all were sitting around crocheting, having just finished our tea, was not lost on us, but of course, as we told each other, our lives consisted of much more than that. I'm sure, however, that we all would love to meet the modern equivalent of Mr. Darcy and have him fall madly in love with us, bewitched "body and soul" by our irresistible charms. I think I would settle for mere possession of irresistible charms.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
I am a first time blogger and the sixth person from my immediate family to have a blog. I've considered having a blog for a couple of years, but I was galvanized into action by my youngest sister who burst onto the blogging scene at the tender age of nine a couple of weeks ago. I found I couldn't comment on her site without a blogging identity. I have been a long-time reader of my brother's blog which combines insightful analysis, creative storytelling, and sophisticated satire with a degree of random zaniness. Although I enjoy writing and it comes naturally to me, I doubted my blog would be as interesting, humorous, or enjoyable to read. My older sister Karen and brother-in-law Clint started a blog of their own recently so Clint could expound his wisdom on current issues and they could report on the progress of their international adoption. A recent post announced that Karen is pregnant and the baby will arrive in late October, so in addition to the excellent photos of prairie landscapes, crazy and cute pets, and farm-life there will be pictures of a baby boy or girl, my first nephew or niece. My sister Rachel informed me as I was writing this that she also has a blog so three of my four sisters now have a blog. My sister Christina offered to give me a few pointers so eventually this blog may be more visually exciting, although I don't take pictures myself. I am not sure exactly what the content of this blog will be.
The title of my blog comes from a passage in Matthew 6:25-34 which was my parent's wedding text. Matthew 6:28-33 reads, "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." A similar passage is found in Luke 12. In "The Message," a contemporary paraphrase of the Bible "consider the lilies" is rendered "look at the wildflowers," which is not as poetic but was available as a blogspot url. I guess I will have to be content with it (sigh). I am not the first in my family to use this biblical passage as a title and theme for their writing. For several years my Mom had a column in Christian Courier entitled "Like the Lilies" in which she wrote about our family humorously and her faith seriously. Her upcoming book, still to be published, takes many of these columns and shows her process of changing from a head Christian to a heart Christian, if you will excuse the cliche. Personally I find this particular passage very challenging. I tend to worry about my future and it is good to be reminded that God will provide what I need and will take care of me. Remembering to seek first his kingdom and righteousness and knowing how that should be worked out in practical terms in my day to day life is hard, but it's my goal and is certainly an achievable one. Since my name "Suzanne" comes from the Hebrew for "Lily" my title has an added layer of meaning, so I guess I am inviting you to consider the person Suzanne, or at least to consider my thoughts and writing. Well, I will leave the rest for a future post.
The title of my blog comes from a passage in Matthew 6:25-34 which was my parent's wedding text. Matthew 6:28-33 reads, "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." A similar passage is found in Luke 12. In "The Message," a contemporary paraphrase of the Bible "consider the lilies" is rendered "look at the wildflowers," which is not as poetic but was available as a blogspot url. I guess I will have to be content with it (sigh). I am not the first in my family to use this biblical passage as a title and theme for their writing. For several years my Mom had a column in Christian Courier entitled "Like the Lilies" in which she wrote about our family humorously and her faith seriously. Her upcoming book, still to be published, takes many of these columns and shows her process of changing from a head Christian to a heart Christian, if you will excuse the cliche. Personally I find this particular passage very challenging. I tend to worry about my future and it is good to be reminded that God will provide what I need and will take care of me. Remembering to seek first his kingdom and righteousness and knowing how that should be worked out in practical terms in my day to day life is hard, but it's my goal and is certainly an achievable one. Since my name "Suzanne" comes from the Hebrew for "Lily" my title has an added layer of meaning, so I guess I am inviting you to consider the person Suzanne, or at least to consider my thoughts and writing. Well, I will leave the rest for a future post.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)