Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The End of the Road
Back in 2007 I joined a social networking site. Slowly I gained some virtual friends, most of whom I had one time attended classes with in some level of my education. Since I wasn't in face to face contact with many of them, they were just people who I was interested in, or who I wondered what had happened to. Also I added some new acquaintances, and accepted friend invitations from most people who requested it. Some were childhood friends, and I attempted to be thrilled about the fact that they had settled down, married their sweethearts, and started their families. In reality I was only somewhat happy for them; deep down I was envious of their circumstances. I loved to see their new babies' photos, or to read their thoughts on motherhood, but it wasn't an unalloyed joy.
At my age people say my biological clock is ticking down and that I should start a family soon. But in the end, I would rather not have the blessing of children than to marry and/or fool around with the wrong guy. It's not that I believe there is only one guy in the world I could be happy with, although I love the story of Isaac and Rebekah in the Bible. It's just that until the timing is right, I am ready, and I meet the so-called Mr. Right, children are only a distant aspiration.
I believe God knows my desires and that he actually gave me them. I also know some are called to have spiritual children and no physical ones at all. I know some would love to have a child and simply can't because of low fertility or not enough funds to care for the child. I also know some children never get the chance to even be born. It is sad to me when society looks at children as an expense or an inconvenience or as a threat to the natural world due to long-standing fears of over-population. Most mothers love their children and would protect them with their lives if need be. But sometimes people don't think they have options in the situations they find themselves in.
I started this post talking about a social networking site, and like a slow meandering river I have found myself somewhere completely different from where I thought I was headed at the beginning of this post. Suffice to say, I am leaving the social networking site for good, a process that takes about two weeks to completely finish. I will miss being connected to former and current classmates, but sometimes you have to cut deep to remove a cancer of the soul.