Nope, Just Fat

In July of 2014, I began following the Trim Healthy Mama plan after being introduced to it by my sister. By December of that year I had lost twenty-five pounds and I continued to lose weight in the early months of 2015. I was very disciplined in my eating, cutting out sugar, and alternating consuming meals with higher fat and low carbs with eating meals with more carbs and low fat according to the principles set forth by sisters and THM founders Pearl Barrett and Serene Allison, leaving at least three hours between meals and ensuring each meal had sufficient protein. While it wasn't the first time I lost a significant amount of weight, it was the first time my weight loss was unconnected to a change in medication.

I stopped following THM when I landed in the hospital in April of 2015 and apart from a brief period in the fall of 2015, I haven't followed it since that time. My gradual weight gain was at first unalarming, but it continually crept up. I am now thirty pounds above my ideal weight and I know I am eating way too many treats and unhealthy foods and not exercising enough. My clothes are tight or no longer fit at all and my waist-line is bulging. Each month I seem to add another three or four pounds.

Recently I resolved to cut out sugar again as much as possible for the four weeks of November, but this resolution did not survive long and I soon was eating my Mom's home made chocolate chip cookies without restraint.

This past week someone at my volunteer job asked me if I was expecting a baby, concerned that I should not be carrying too much in my supposed pregnant state.

Today after stepping on the scale and seeing yet another two pound gain, I decided that I could not continue in this manner. While I have not decided to return to THM as yet, I do need to again have some restraint in the way I am eating. Too often I eat because of boredom or because something tastes good and I just want more of it. So I am going to discipline myself to cut back on portions and stay away from sugary foods and late night snacking. I am also going to go on more walks, at least five times a week.

Maybe instead of gaining another five pounds over the Christmas season, I will actually be able to have a modest weight loss. If these measures don't get any results, I just may reconsider trying Trim Healthy Mama again.

Chasing the Wind

I recently was challenged to write a mission statement for my life at a class I am taking on Wednesday evenings. There were several questions meant to stimulate thought about what is important in your life. As I answered them I realized that I am living a life with limited vision, disconnected from my values and that ways I once used to renew myself physically, mentally, and spiritually have fallen into disuse. My life has narrowed and become purposeless.

It is not simply that I have become unproductive without meaningful employment and engagement. It is also that I have failed to prioritize my friendships and relationships and become self-absorbed and unloving.  In my spiritual life my connection with God is at a low ebb and beliefs I once held so firmly lack conviction. I barely pray, no longer do personal devotions, and can't remember the last time I truly worshipped. I find myself mouthing the words to songs at church or not singing at all. 

I believe in the importance of compassion, but am wrapped up in myself and acts of kindness go undone. I value integrity, but I am not true to myself and what I once believed.

Do I love others in concrete ways each day? Do I live intentionally and with purpose? Am I a good friend and loving sister and daughter?

I realize a mission statement is something you want to work on and aim for, and may not reflect the realities of your present life, but I can barely articulate let alone live out my vision and values. For someone who used to consider the lilies and once wrote so passionately about my beliefs, it is a wake up call to rediscover my sense of purpose and reignite my passion. For some reason, I can't envision this awakening happening without a renewal in my relationship with God. Life seems utterly meaningless and directionless without him.

Linda and Mike's Wedding

Linda and Mike thanking their guests

The father/daughter dance

The beautiful bride and handsome groom

Christina the bridesmaid and Mom

Me before the reception began

John and lovely Camille

Rachel the bridesmaid and Mom looking gorgeous

Linda and Mike's wedding on January 2nd was a wonderful occasion to celebrate with a special couple. It was a smaller wedding at a beautiful venue in Peterborough. After a brief ceremony, with a small wedding party, which included a young ring bearer and two adorable flower girls, there were appetizers served before the three course dinner at 5:30 pm. The bride's brother was the Master of Ceremonies and he kept the evening moving well with speeches and games and even a poem he had written for the occasion. The bride was absolutely stunning in her lovely gown and shared many kisses with the handsome groom throughout the dinner. Instead of clinking glasses, guests had to perform a specific task. The couple turned a stellar performance at the shoe game, clearly very self-aware. After dinner there was a dance, begun by the bride and groom and continued into the evening by many of the guests. Instead of cake, the bride had chosen to serve gourmet butter tarts which were relished by those guests who weren't already over-stuffed by the rich fare. The wedding favours were small maple-leafed shaped bottles of maple syrup.  It was a lovely way to begin a New Year, surrounded by family and friends and celebrating a beautiful couple and their love.

Christina and George

Julie the veteran flower girl with the two bridesmaids and mother of the bride.

George, Christina, Camille, John and I