At least I have Great Hair!

This past week I heard the news that I didn't get into the accelerated nursing program at McMaster. Though not surprised at the result, I was still disappointed. I could take some comfort in the sentiment expressed in the old tired cliche "When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window." With over three hundred and fifty applicants and only about thirty-five spots in the program, my chances of getting in were never that great. Now I have to decide whether to finish my second Chemistry course or not. To complete it I have to enrol in a $500 intensive two day laboratory course at McMaster next month. I am halfway through the Chemistry course, and the additional expense and effort no longer seem worth it. I for sure will complete my other Human Anatomy and Physiology course and the other Chemistry course and Psychology course I already completed are not a total waste of time since the first Chemistry course's excellent mark will help me towards getting into the Practical Nursing program at Mohawk and the Child and Adolescent Psychology course is likely similar to a required course in that program. I have applied to start that program in January, and am not sure when I will hear if I got in or not. In the meantime I can keep working at Connon Nurseries into the late fall. *Sigh*

But moving on to better news. My sister Rachel who recently completed her first year at McGill was one of fifty selected students to take the neuroscience program! Another step towards her future PhD :) My Mom is having a book launch for her recently published book Blooming: This Pilgrim's Progress. If you have not had the opportunity to read this excellent book of family life stories with an underlying spiritual theme tracking my mother's journey of faith, I encourage you to check out her blog by following the link Marian den Boer. Also tomorrow my sister Christina is getting baptized as a believer. Congratulations Christina on this important step in your spiritual journey!

And, as someone once comforted me, after I complained about the circumstances in my life, at least I have great hair! Yes just today I got my hair highlighted and cut, and I will now post a picture. As for my weight loss goals, so far I have only lost five pounds, but I have been walking two to four times a week. Unfortunately, I have also been snacking too much.

My beautiful hair

Eight Summers and Counting

If you told me as a student just finished her first year of university and starting a seasonal job at Connon Nurseries that nearly a decade later I would be beginning my eighth summer there, I wouldn't have believed you. If I did believe you could see this in my future, I would have probably have done some serious vocational planning and rethought my liberal arts degree in Honours English and Religion. In my second summer at Connons, I could not fathom why one older girl who had a business degree under her belt from Redeemer University College would be back working a general labour job.

After each year of school, I returned to Connon Nurseries for four months of repetitive, mindless manual labour, and after I graduated in 2005 and failed to find a job, I spent a fifth summer there, and worked into the fall before getting a receptionist job. What made the job were the people you worked with, other students mostly. Some summers were so much fun, and we had crew outings and filled the cutting room with laughter. Others were more dramatic with personality clashes or theological arguments that turned into personal conflicts. In the early spring we "pulled plugs", poking out the young plants with our sticks and trimming the roots with our pruning shears, with four of us going on the potting machine. We got to work with two Spanish ladies, Gloria, from Columbia, and the first year with Lilianna, also from Columbia, and every year after that with the diminutive Alma from El Salvador. They were a great team on the potting machine, and sat together in the cutting room in the summer months, filling their shared flat with expertly cut plants while conversing together in Spanish. They also taught us Spanish phrases and songs, and generally added colour and liveliness to the work environment. Another full-timer was Cheri who had worked there since 1990, knew much about plants and seemed to know everybody in the Dutch community, and was the designated waterer of flats. The first five summers our supervisor was Paul, or Paulito as Gloria called him, a short man of few words. Arie was the main supervisor, and other than my grandfather whose greenhouse I worked in during Spring Break growing up, he is the favourite of all the bosses I have had. He had a Dutch accent and a good humour, though he expected you to work hard and never place your elbows on the cutting room table.

I was a receptionist all winter into the spring and summer before leaving that position just as I was about to start living on my own. I soon found another job as an order desk clerk, a contract job that was flexible enough to allow me to pursue some Greek courses with the goal of going to graduate school the following year. These plans ended after I became ill and spent some weeks in the hospital. Arie phoned to see if my sister would be working in the summer, and when I answered the phone and he learned my job and health situation, offered me a job back at Connon Nurseries. I accepted and following another health set-back returned for a sixth summer, telling myself it was temporary until I regained my footing and found something else, and worked into the fall before beginning another receptionist job. But I was back for a seventh summer and third fall season, and now an eighth summer. While I am now taking correspondence courses with the goal of getting into a nursing program, I cannot rule out the possibility of a fourth fall or even a ninth summer should I be accepted into the practical nursing program and not the accelerated nursing program at McMaster, which is extremely competitive.

While I sometimes am embarrassed to admit I still work at Connon Nurseries after obtaining a bachelors degree, I will readily attest that Connon Nurseries has been good to me, and most of the countless hours I have spent there have been relatively happy ones. There is something about repetitive, mindless labour that is soothing and the camaraderie with coworkers has usually enlivened the monotony of endless pulling of plugs or cutting of plants. And while I hope that in nine years, I will be busy with a career in nursing and taking care of a family, I think I will always be slightly sentimental about the nurturing of young plants and the smell of potting soil.

Weighty Issues

My weight has fluctuated over the years. Being on medication that causes weight gain for over ten years, I have a ready excuse for my ballooning size. Not only is my appetite artificially enhanced, my body "wants" to be heavier. The times when I have lost weight it is because I switched to a medication that causes less weight gain than the one I was previously on. In the summer of 2000 I was making a medication change as well as working in a hellishly hot environment, and these factors combined to curb my appetite and the pounds dropped off with very little effort on my part. Every time I got fitted for my bridesmaid dress for my sister's wedding it had to be taken in. I was a trim 130 pounds, my weight in grade nine. When I started university, I gained ten pounds and then lost it the following summer. My new medication also caused weight gain, and I gradually put on weight as I completed university and entered the work-force. In 2007, when I was again in the hospital dealing with my illness, I switched medications again to one that still caused weight gain but to a lesser degree, and also made it hard to eat due to the side-effects. I also was fasting from chocolate for Lent and generally avoiding sweets, eating healthy, and exercising. Over the summer I continued to lose weight until I weighed 125 pounds, and didn't want to lose anymore. Unfortunately the new medication elevated my prolactin levels, so I had to go back to my old more expensive medication, and since then I have put on thirty pounds, so that I now weigh more than I ever have before.

Considering the fact that the times I have lost weight it has been primarily because I got off a medication that is notorious for causing weight gain, I wonder if I can even exercise enough and eat healthily enough that I can lose the added pounds. I can't rely on hunger signals as my appetite is not a reliable guide. I have to stop eating while I am still hungry. I need to avoid emotional eating or eating when I am bored or happen to be alone in the kitchen. I am writing this post to keep myself accountable to this new regimen. NO snacking between meals, other than fruits and vegetables. NO decadent desserts, other than for special occasions. Tea instead of hot chocolate. Smaller portions at supper. Going for a walk of at least twenty minutes at least four times a week, even if I have no one to walk with. My goal is to lose twenty pounds by the end of the summer, five pounds every month. Although my coworkers kindly tell me I look better at this weight, I don't like the added paunch and padding. I hope to write a celebratory post when I reach my goal. I think I'll take an unattractive picture of myself soon so I can have a before and after photo.

Why I (still) love romantic comedies

I can pinpoint the moment when the romantic comedy era officially ended in our household. It had been a bimonthly ritual, usually on a Friday night, that a sister and I would head to the local video store and pick up the latest offering of what is disparagingly referred to as a chick flick. "Runaway Bride" or "The Wedding Planner" or "Save the Last Dance". I always knew I was the more enthusiastic one about this type of movie, but my sister was willing to walk to the store and watch the movie with me, if I was paying. The moment that spelled doom for the companionable watching of this admittedly predictable genre of the movie, was the day we picked out "Little Black Book." The movie itself was forgettable, and I can't recall much of a plot, though it involved Brittany Murphy being angry about her boyfriend's black book of women's phone numbers, but one thing that sticks with me is its incredible suckiness. That and the fact that after watching that movie, my sister would no longer agree to watch any romantic comedies I selected and developed a taste for foreign films. Watching movies alone is not much fun, so I usually went with her counter selections. Since then I have fallen out of the habit of regularly renting movies, though I still do occasionally. I haven't seen "The Holiday" or "Made of Honour", though I did still manage to watch "27 dresses" and "The Devil Wears Prada" with my other sister who also swore off romantic comedies for a time.




So why do I still love romantic comedies?



1. They may be predictable, but you can always count on a happy ending.



2. While some have claimed romantic comedies create unrealistic expectations about real-life relationships, the lack of realism is part of their charm. Who wants escapism to be true to life?




3. The male lead is, with a few exceptions, good-looking, whatever the calibre of his acting.




4. The classic story-line: boy meets girl, boy is marrying other girl, boy and girl fall in love but can't admit it, other girl jilts boy at the altar, boy realizes who he really loves and chases after girl who is leaving town, boy and girl share passionate kiss, roll credits. Whatever the variation on the formula, you have to love the melodrama.



5. The belief in the power of love to overcome all the misunderstandings a two hour plot will allow warms the heart.





6. No matter how many times you have watched the same basic storyline, you still thrill when the two characters who are meant for each other finally ride off into the sunset.




7. The fantasy of love at first sight. For a moment you can believe anything is possible.



8. Romantic comedies usually make you laugh aloud at least once, and might even make you cry.


9. When you watch a romantic comedy, you know what you can expect. You may not be surprised by the film, but you won't be disappointed either (unless it is an exceptionally poorly done film).


10. A romantic comedy transports you to another dimension, where dreams really do come true and every woman has her perfect soul-mate.

Jealousy and Me

Recently it occurred to me that I have deep-seated jealousy issues. Right now I could list five people I have been intensely envious of in that their circumstances, their situation in life, their very personalities stir in me a deep sense of jealousy, and could enumerate still more individuals whose circumstances I envy. These feelings have arisen as I stared at blog or Facebook page and contemplated the gap between where those pictured are and where I am. They have filled me with a noxious poison as I find out about engagements, pregnancies, weddings and babies of people I know. Sometimes I will visit blogs of acquaintances, randomly following blog links from blogs I track regularly or less randomly visiting a blog I have visited before during previous excursions into the blogosphere. There are some I can't view without feeling that these people with their meaningful lives, beautiful little family units, and attractive personalities seem to have it all. Does this jealousy stem from my discontentment with my own life and circumstances and a sense of inadequacy and inferiority? Far from serene in my situation in life, I tend to focus on what I lack. I am busy with school and hope it will lead to a meaningful career eventually, but I don't face the future with breathless expectation but rather a subdued fearfulness. Sometimes I look at the person I am becoming and I don't even like myself. What happened to trusting that God has a plan for my life and considering the lilies? I guess I am too busy considering the gap between where I would like to be and where I am. When I started this post I thought blogging on this subject might lead to some helpful insight or resolution. Writing about it has made me realize that my issues go deeper than a problem with jealousy, but I haven't come to any solution. Maybe it is because I don't want to change badly enough.

My Journey

From October 20 to 28, I was in Saskatchewan visiting my sister Karen, her husband Clint, my precocious nephew Owen and adorable niece Julianna. It was my first time seeing Julianna who was born in August. Owen insisted on calling me Inna, even though he could say Suzy and even Suzanne. He would frequently tell me up "get up, up", gesturing as if to lift me from my spot on the couch where I was reading and then ofcourse we would spent some time playing with his many vehicles, his blocks, or his puzzle. We also played outside where he loved to hide behind the trees so I could look for him or to go down the slide or play on the swings. We were going to go to the zoo, but unfortunately the day we planned to go it was too cold. Julianna is a darling with a lovely smile and generally contented ways. She is happiest in her mother's arms, but sometimes she would allow me to hold her too. Most days passed with time for playing with Owen, reading, getting creamed at Tetris, doing some studying, and eating delectable meals. I saw the new baby chicks with Owen and went shopping in Saskatoon, and out for dinner with Karen for Julianna's first restaurant meal. We watched some movies and spent some time conversing.

Since I have been back, I have been trying to get back into study mode, but I haven't got as much done. The season is wrapping up at Connon Nurseries, and I may be finished there as early as November 15. Then I have a possibility of another seasonal job, and after that I will be looking for a part-time job while I work on my correspondence courses.

And Time Passes On

Today is my sister Christina's twelfth birthday. It doesn't seem that long ago that she was as small as Julianna, actually smaller. Christina was born seven weeks premature and did not have her sucking reflex yet. She looked so tiny and helpless, attached to tubes with her legs pulled up like a frog's. When she was two she was extremely cute with short blond hair and incredible energy. She loved to go to the park and was willing to trek all the way to the mall just for a chance to play at the park on the way home, plus a little something at the dollar store. She was articulate at a young age and once surprised us at the dinner table by singing part of "Cecilia" by Simon and Garfunkel that my brother had sung the day before "I got up to wash my face, when I go back to bed someone's taken my place." After that we had to be careful about what we said! Christina was just a toddler when she almost drowned in our pool, but thankfully my Dad was able to revive her and she suffered no brain or lung damage. Today she is a bright, cheerful, and creative preteen with a compassionate heart and a love of life. She loves to hang out with her friends, to write, to read, to swim, and to play soccer.

So Happy Birthday Christina! May God bless you in the years ahead.

Left photo: Christina at ten. Right photo: Christina and Julianna


Back in 1996 the OJ Simpson trial began, Princess Diana and Charles officially divorced, and Dolly the sheep was cloned. It doesn't feel like twelve years ago. In the meantime Princess Diana and Dolly the sheep have passed on, OJ Simpson is headed back to prison, and Christina is beginning her thirteenth year, while I still can't believe I am twenty-eight. The longer I live the faster time speeds by. It seems all the more urgent to seize the day, but maybe I'll go to bed first.

A Post Birthday Update

Since my last post, several new developments have gone undocumented. I wish I was blogging more, but inspiration is lacking. First on August 16, my niece Julianna Elizabeth Langelaar was born, weighing 6 pounds 14 ounces. She is a sister for Owen, and is a healthy, fairly contented baby who is settling into a routine at home. Her parents live in Saskatchewan so I won't see her until October 20 when I am travelling out there. Second I have registered to take some correspondence courses at Athabasca with the goal of eventually becoming a registered nurse. Next year I want to get into the two year accelerated program for nursing at McMaster. I plan to keep working while getting through the courses in my spare time. Right now I am working fulltime at Connon Nurseries, but that will end sometime in November, so after that I will most likely get a part-time job while I finish up the courses. I am starting with just two courses, but will be completing four.

When I explain my plans to people, I frequently encounter surprise, mingled with shocked disbelief or, occasionally, thinly veiled disapproval, and the question of "What made you think of nursing?" Well, I am attracted to a career of helping others who are sick and making a difference in their care. I like the idea of getting practical training which I then can use in as a professional in the health care field. Nursing is a career that is in demand, and the skills I will learn are highly useful. If I would like to work as a volunteer in the developing world, that is an option. As someone who has been to the hospital and been helped by nurses myself, I feel I would have the sympathy and compassion for my patients that is necessary in a good nurse. While nursing can be stressful and nurses need to be thick-skinned, it is a rewarding career that really makes a positive difference in the lives of people in need. In the past I have considered becoming a professor of biblical studies, but that requires six years of schooling and in the end, it may be hard to find a job in the field. I have talked about being a Bible translator too, but being a missionary in another country is a daunting prospect and a very sacrificial life path.

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a strange birthday, in that I didn't see a single family member. They are all in Saskatchewan until Labour Day, so I will be celebrating with them next week. I started out the day with a flat tire, so that was an adventure getting to work. I did get to go out for dinner with a good friend, so that was a better ending to my day. It is hard to believe I am already twenty-eight, and I don't know where the year has gone. It went by really fast.

Two Pieces (dandle and dale)

A friend, Jen Lougas, and I agreed to do an exercise where we each write two pieces using two randomly selected words. She chose one and I chose the other using a website that gave random words of varying degrees of frequency of use.You can follow my link and read her two pieces on her blog.





dan·dle

verb (used with object), -dled, -dling.

1.to move (a baby, child, etc.) lightly up and down, as on one's knee or in one's arms.



He spoke with a thick, Dutch accent and in friendly debates with my uncle would preface his remarks with "Nay, nay." His blue eyes gazed intently beneath bushy grey eyebrows and his ears with their hearing aids stuck out prominently beneath his sparse grey hair. He would take a short afternoon nap in his leather recliner, snoring faintly. In the same chair he would dandle his smaller grandchildren on his lap, singing a Dutch song with accompanying actions, clapping small hands together, lifting little fists to touch our ears, swaying us gently back and forth. He would finish the song with our favourite part, swooshing us to the ground as we laughed. I can still recall the Dutch sounds, but only have a vague idea of their meaning. Opa walked with an unique, stiff gait, his strides quick and heavy as he moved through his fields. He enjoyed rug hooking and conversing with strangers, and served my Oma's lemon meringue pies in messy pieces with an accompanying "Yoop." He was a man of faith and deep conviction, and was interested in church politics, saving many volumes worth of Acts of Synod. He loved history and could recall seemingly insignificant incidents from his childhood in the province of Zeeland, the Netherlands, writing a book for his grandchildren about his life until he immigrated to Canada from France. It amazed us that he had once been a young man driving a Harley Davidson through the roads of France, and that he had once pretended to be a doctor in order to see my premature father at a Parisian hospital. I can recall the summer day I waited on the swing set at my grandparent's backyard with a knot in my stomach, steeling myself for when it was my turn to say good-bye. I remember his earnest words and the taste of salt as I kissed him for the last time.



dale

noun
a valley, esp. a broad valley.



If you are a mountain-top, a snow-capped

peak, towering in pristine beauty,

then I am a valley, a wooded

dale, overshadowed by your grandeur


If you are an ocean, a tumultuous

sea, teeming with life

then I am a shore, a sandy

beach, sculpted by your breakers


If you are a sunbeam, a luminous

ray, dancing on the water

then I am a shadow, a cloudy

darkness, eclipsed by your brilliance

Psalm 139: A Reprise

I've posted this psalm before, but lately I need a reminder of its message, which I had forgotten. This passage, taken from The Message paraphrase, reminds me that God does not make junk and every person on this planet, including me, bears the image of "the High God", to borrow a phrase from Peterson.

Psalm 139
A David Psalm
1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!

7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!

23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.

Happy Birthday Linda!

Today is my lovely sister Linda's 23rd Birthday. I already sang her our family's traditional off-key rendition of Happy Birthday, but I thought I would post something on my blog in honour of this milestone. Linda is an incredible person with a warm, caring nature. She is great with people and has a ready smile. As a sister she is supportive and fun, and always willing to go shopping and to share her excellent fashion sense. She will drive my car for me with skill and ease on long and short road trips. Linda, thanks for being such a great sister and I hope you have a great year. You have a special place in my heart and it is great to spend time with you.

Easter Thoughts

How does Jesus' resurrection give me life today? As I think about the miracle that happened almost two thousand years ago, I try to reawaken a sense of wonder, of joy, of hope. The victory of the empty tomb should bring victory to my day to day life. Jesus died for me, for all those who would believe, but he did not stay in the grave. He arose and death was finally defeated. He made possible eternal life and a bodily resurrection for those who trust in him. It is easy to forget how monumental, how wondrous an event we celebrate today. Christ is risen!

February Blas and Family Day

Lately I've been feeling down and unexcited by life's possibilities. February is a dreary month as winter drags on, and this year there will be twenty-nine days of it. New Year's resolve seems all but buried beneath the snow. So it was nice to have a holiday weekend with time off work. I spent Family Day walking through the winter landscape for a good part of the morning and then playing Scrabble with my parents. Not overly exciting, but my two sisters were both sick this weekend and Rachel had homework to do, so more elaborate plans will have to wait until next Family Day. I am grateful for my family, and for all their support and love, so on this day I pause and thank God for what he has given me. On an otherwise dreary day, it is good to be reminded of the blessings that can easily be forgotten.

My Grandpa

On Sunday, January 13, my Grandpa went to be with the Lord. He had just lost his wife of 58 years four weeks before. Now they are together again, but they will be missed by those they left behind. My Grandpa loved plants and as a retiree started his own greenhouse, something he had to give up when he suffered heart troubles. As a child, I enjoyed working in his greenhouse every March Break with my siblings. I started with soil preparation, and then graduated to transplanting, carefully planting seedlings in the moist soil. My Grandpa was a great boss and would even take us on outings, often to the used bookstore where each grandchild could pick out five books. He was an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction, and he had a lot of wisdom that, if you were fortunate, he would pass on. He didn't waste words, so when he spoke you knew he had something important to say.

Watching my grandfather care for my grandmother, I could see how much he loved her. In the end, you could see the care required day and night was taking its toll. When my Grandma was in the hospital shortly before she passed away, Grandpa was growing visibly weaker. Following the funeral, he needed my Uncle Al to stay with him. Shortly after New Years he was in the hospital with pneumonia and other health problems. Now he is in a place without pain and suffering and loss. I will miss him very much.

Christmas 2007 and the New Year

On Monday, December 17 my Grandma passed away. She had been ill for some time, after being diagnosed with mouth cancer about three years ago. She had gone through surgeries, radiation and a case of shingles, and hadn't been able to swallow food all that time. My Grandpa tirelessly nursed her and fed her through a tube in her small intestine three times a day for a couple of hours each feeding. For the last week and a half of her life she was in the hospital and could no longer breathe on her own and didn't talk. My Grandma was a strong person who was cheerful and loving. I admired her for her lack of complaint and perseverence through adversity. In the end, she wanted to go home and I know she is now in a place without suffering or illness.

The funeral was on Saturday and the Christmas season was a time of grief as well as a time of celebration of my grandmother's life. She was in her 87th year and had a full life. She and my Grandpa had been married 58 years. They met in the Netherlands at the beginning of WWII and were separated most of the war, writing eachother letters through the occupation of Holland. They immigrated to Canada after marrying and had five children, four sons and a daughter. My Grandma was a champion Scrabble player, a good cook, and a loving wife, mother, and grandmother. She often laughed and had a warm smile. I know my Grandpa will find it hard to go on now his life companion is gone. I will miss her, but I am glad she is with Jesus and no longer suffering.

As another year approaches, I am taking stock of my life. I am not sure what this new year will bring. I am making some resolutions, including posting more often on this blog. Lately I have been more negative, and I want to renew my hope, faith, and love.

My Believer Baptism

On Sunday September 9, 2007 in my own backyard, surrounded by family, some of my friends, and many of the people from my fellowship, I was baptized as a believer. Although I had been baptized as an infant in the CRC, I felt this was a step that I wanted to take. Here is the testimony I had prepared (I didn't end up saying it as eloquently or in full):

Today is a very important day for me, and I am glad you all could be here. God has done amazing things in my life, and brought healing and strength to me. Most of all, I am grateful for what this baptism means that I am buried with Christ, with death to all the old ways, and raised to new life in him. I am grateful for the Holy Spirit, for he is the true comforter and guide in following Christ. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father who loves me so much. In the past six months I have been very ill, but God never abandoned me or let me go. What I had feared came upon me, but now I can already see that all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose. I know God has a purpose for my life, and in him I am a champion. I know Christ has the power to heal all my wounds and to also present me to God faultless, not because I am faultless, but because when he looks at me, he looks at me through Christ, the Lamb without spot or blemish. Jesus Christ is my Saviour and Redeemer and Lord and I will follow him all my life, but it is he that took hold of me and will not let me go. For this I give all praise and glory to God. While I am not a new believer, having previously professed my faith, I am being made new today.

When Pastor Bob Warriner, pastor of Flamborough Christian Fellowship, baptized me in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, he said that I was being made alive, alluding to Jesus' words "Lazarus Come Forth" to speak of my resurrection. I felt a deep sense of peace and assurance that this was a new beginning, though not the beginning of my walk with God, or of his call on my life. After all God chose me from before the creation of the world to be his child. I am very grateful for what baptism means; adoption, redemption, renewal, seal of hope and promise. Most important is what God is doing in baptism, but another important part is your own commitment to following Christ. Right now I don't know much about my direction, but I do know I will follow the Holy Spirit's leading and walk with Christ wherever that may lead.

Another post about Owen

I may strike you as an excessively gushy aunt, but my nephew is so cute and adorable. There is an even cuter picture too, of him holding the chicks in his lap that can be found, like all cute pictures of this beautiful child, on my sister's blog. That is Karen Langelaar, married to the wonderful Clint Langelaar, father of Owen, this miracle baby. Among Owen's habits are jumping in his jolly-jumper, getting new teeth, sitting up, flailing his arms in excitement, and dumping his toys on the floor. He now knows how to use a sippy cup, which means I can baby-sit him when I go there at the end of September, beginning of October.

Favourite or Meaningful Bible passages

I have amassed quite a collection of meaningful Bible passages. I very much miss the Bible I lost in the hospital (some confused patient walked off with it, but left the cover for me). Most of all I miss the scraps of paper with passages given to me in ministry sessions. So in celebration of my Heavenly Father, this being Father's day, I thought I would list some of my favourite passages from his love letter to me. It would be nice if I could have links in this, so you could follow them to my favourite passages, but I am not that blog savvy.

Romans 8 the whole chapter, especially "All things work out for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose" and "Nothing can separate you from the love of Christ"
Ezekiel 16:8 "Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, "Live!"
That particular passage was given to me twice, once by Ace Clark when he visited for supper and gave out comic books and once by one of my pastors who I really admired and still do.
Psalm 139
I read this passage when we were studying Frankenstein in Professor Bowen's class. Since then it has come to mean a lot more.
Psalm 18
See my previous post.
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd. I read a book while in the hospital about this psalm. It was written by a shepherd from Africa and I never will forget what this book taught me. Later I saw a beautiful liturgical dance to this psalm and after the service I let this song wash over me like cool cleansing water.
Psalm 91
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This is a psalm my Dad would read to me.
Psalm 11
Karen my older sister gave me this one when I first got ill at sixteen.
Psalm 103
I included this passage in my testimony at Immanuel Christian Reformed Church over a year ago. My Oma was there as was my friend Mary-Ann and my parents.
Isaiah 43:1-7
My friend Jerri Batterink gave me this passage in a card when I was hospitalized at seventeen.
Ephesians 1:3-14, 15-22
My current pastor gave me this one (15-22) in a card, after I left his church for greener pastures (read shorter services, familiar worship style, comfort zone, timed sermons, wonderful, very dignified, people).
Ephesians 6:10-18
I always am in desperate need of the armour of God.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. This is practically my theme verse from the past decade.
Joshua 1:9
Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: For the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
These words to Joshua resound in my spirit. I got a name card with this verse on it, shortly before entering the hospital (for the first time in nine years or so.) Later I got a journal with this verse on it at the Elim Women's Conference.
Lamentations 3:27-33
It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust- there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to the one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.
For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.
My mentor and hero from South Africa showed me this passage.
Matthew 6:25-34
My parents' wedding text, the meaningfulness of my name, the name of this blog all have to do with this passage. I would be a white lily of the valley if I ever was a flower.
Jeremiah 30:17 "For I will restore health to you and I will heal your wounds says the Lord."
My Aunt Reta sent me this one. That's a promise God is keeping.
Others: John 15 (I once preached a sermon on this to a congregation of one), Matthew 5:1-ll (the Beatitudes, I learned more about this at the Elim Women's Conference on my first weekend pass this past hospitalization. A woman named Eve spoke). Philippians 1:6, 1 Corinthians 6:20, all of 1 John especially 1:12.


How great is the love that the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are!

I also love any passage about unity, spiritual gifts, and the body of Christ. The high priestly prayer of Jesus before the cross is very meaningful.

Psalm 18

Psalm 18 NIV
For the director of music. Of David the servant of the LORD. He sang to the LORD the words of this song when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said:
1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
5 The cords of the grave [b] coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
7 The earth trembled and quaked,
and the foundations of the mountains shook;
they trembled because he was angry.
8 Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.
9 He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.
10 He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.
12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
13 The LORD thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded. [c]
14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies ,
great bolts of lightning and routed them.
15 The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, O LORD,
at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
20 The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
I have not done evil by turning from my God.
22 All his laws are before me;
I have not turned away from his decrees.
23 I have been blameless before him
and have kept myself from sin.
24 The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
26 to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.
27 You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
29 With your help I can advance against a troop [d] ;
with my God I can scale a wall.
30 As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.
36 You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.
37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
38 I crushed them so that they could not rise;
they fell beneath my feet.
39 You armed me with strength for battle;
you made my adversaries bow at my feet.
40 You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
and I destroyed my foes.
41 They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—
to the LORD, but he did not answer.
42 I beat them as fine as dust borne on the wind;
I poured them out like mud in the streets.
43 You have delivered me from the attacks of the people;
you have made me the head of nations;
people I did not know are subject to me.
44 As soon as they hear me, they obey me;
foreigners cringe before me.
45 They all lose heart;
they come trembling from their strongholds.
46 The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God my Savior!
47 He is the God who avenges me,
who subdues nations under me,
48 who saves me from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
from violent men you rescued me.
49 Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD;
I will sing praises to your name.
50 He gives his king great victories;
he shows unfailing kindness to his anointed,
to David and his descendants forever.
Footnotes:
Psalm 18:2 Horn here symbolizes strength.
Psalm 18:5 Hebrew Sheol
Psalm 18:13 Some Hebrew manuscripts and Septuagint (see also 2 Samuel 22:14 most Hebrew manuscripts resounded, / amid hailstones and bolts of lightning
Psalm 18:29 Or can run through a barricade


This psalm that David wrote is so meaningful to me. I've been reading a lot in the psalms throughout my recent illness and a wise person told me to meditate on this psalm. David's enemies might have been more concrete, but I definitely have a real enemy going about like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. In God I find my strength and refuge. I love the part about God drawing David up from deep waters, because sometimes I really feel like I am drowning, and I also appreciate the imagery of God broadening the path for his feet. I now have strength to fight and to stand firm while God fights for me. I am improving day by day, but I don't want to lose the urgency that draws me to God and to Jesus David's descendent and my Lord. Now I am coming into a more spacious place and Jesus is my shepherd who watches over me. God has provided for all my needs and I can't get over how much he loves me. I hope I never forget all he has done for me.

Exciting News

I found out today that I will be discharged after an extra long weekend, lasting until Tuesday evening. Only one more sleep at the hospital!I will be discharged on Wednesday the 23rd, following a family meeting.
The long weekend I will be spending with my adorable nephew, currently in New Jersey, as well as my beautiful sister, also presently in New Jersey, and I will be visiting other relations on Monday and Tuesday.